Vent sesh & Self Care

I’m so uninspired. I try not to speak into existence the beginning of the year always sucking but it does. I need to be inspired in or...

I’m so uninspired. I try not to speak into existence the beginning of the year always sucking but it does. I need to be inspired in order to create, I need to create in order to have income, and obviously I need income to pay my damn bills. This is the part that doesn’t get talked about enough. I’m so grateful to have been able to monetize a hobby, but the thing about monetizing a hobby is that often time it changes from a hobby to a job which takes it from being ‘for fun’ to it being work. Making money by taking pictures on social media is fun until it’s work, it’s fun until you feel like actual shit but you have to pull yourself together to take a photo when all you really want to do is break down.

It’s all hard to juggle, then throw being a parent on top of that. Co-parenting ain’t easy, I’m grateful for my situation though, he’s great. I’m in a place where I just want to be alone and get my shit together but I can’t help but to have baby fever. Most of the moms that I was on my pregnancy journey with have had another or are pregnant with the next. It’s a beautiful thing and I’m happy for them all but it makes me sad  because I thought that I would be right there too. I don’t regret anything and I know I made the right decision but nothing is how I imaged it would be and I think I’m having a hard time dealing with that. 

I’m also having a hard time being a good friend, it’s hard to be there for others when you can barely be there for yourself. I haven’t been texting back or answering calls, I feel like everybody needs me or wants something. I wish I was the spontaneous type that could say “fuck my responsibilities I’m going on a solo trip and turning my phone on airplane mode”, but I’m not and I can’t…the overhead is too high. The fact that it’s been cold and cloudy are putting a damper on my mood as well. I need to recharge….I know this is all temporary, happy and sunny days are coming, the only way out is through. I’m not gonna tell you to stay strong, feel how you feel, face your emotions and triggers, laugh, cry, scream, do whatever the hell you need and put yourself first unapologetically. Do something for yourself more often, I can't tell you what that is but know that it doesn't have to cost money, it can be as simple as alone time but you have to look within to find what you need. Everything that you need is within you and you will find it when you are in the right mental space. 

I love you, got got this! 
We gone be alright!

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