Black Moms Blog Meetup

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending my afternoon with in a room full of amazing mama's (and cute babies). I'm so happy I wa...

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending my afternoon with in a room full of amazing mama's (and cute babies). I'm so happy I was able to attend, I needed it, and I felt like we all did. I made some new mom friends too! I never thought I'd be open to anything like this, I remember my sister telling me to look up "Mommy meet ups" and I was like "Ummm I'm not going to hang out with strangers and talk about my life or child" lol, now look at me! Not only did I love it but I'm also thinking of organizing another. I just want to share some key points that we talked about yesterday. Because I'm sure there's some mama's out there that need it...

Find your tribe
The two things that have helped me most being a new mom is having other moms to talk to about our kids, partners, bodies, and transitions. Some of these mom friends are friends I made before pregnancy, after, and some are moms that I've met over social media or the internet. I feel like some of my closest and realest mom friends I have met through Instagram, just from sharing. I tell everyone it's hard but it helps so much to talk about it. Yesterday we talked about everything, the room was full of mama's of multiples, newborns, teenagers, married mamas, co-parenting mamas, single mama's. We all had stories, it helps so much to talk about the ugly side of this major transition. Reach out to people and talk to them, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not the first to go through anything you're going through, people have gone through it, people are going through it. 

Remember YOU
Being a mama is putting your baby before you. However, you can't forget to take care of you. Whatever it is that you can do for yourself, do it. If it's hard to get a sitter to get out of the house have a spa night in your bathroom with wine and candles, order your favorite meal, have date night at the house. Buy yourself an outfit at the store..don't even go to the kids section! lol. TREAT YO SELF! Don't let motherhood consume you. It's all balance.

Single mom transition
This transition is a sticky subject that a lot of women don't like to talk about it. Sometimes motherhood begins as a single mother, sometimes it happens during pregnancy, right after, or years after. It's hard, man-o-man it's hard. And not just the single mother part, it's also knowing that he's out there not even worried about your child(ren) and he's living his life. His life barley changed, he gets his space back, his life back, and you're stuck at home sad and lonely being a mom. That might sound harsh but it's the true feeling, and millions of women are feeling or have felt it. My advice is to focus on you and your child. Be at peace with the situation, don't be bitter. Know that he will move on, but hey, so will you. Have a conversation and place ground rules. For example, whether you will allow your child to meet your/their new partner. Have respect for them, but don't have expectations. When you have expectations it gives people your energy, and when they don't meet your expectation, there it goes and you loose it. Don't be so worried about getting back out there, focus on you, be a boss ass mama. And when you do get back out there, do it for you, not on a revenge trip because those never end well.

Don't take it too seriously
Kids mess stuff up, kids get crumbs EVERYWHERE. It's hard to constantly clean up, it's basically impossible to stick to a daily schedule. The only thing somewhat consistent is G's bedtime, and if I'm running behind schedule, so be it. If I don't get ti the laundry or dishes, whatever. Just relax and enjoy it. If they wear white, it WILL get dirty. If's they're crying and people keep staring at you, don't be bothered or feel like your disturbing them, kids cry!

Take your kid(s) with you
I have taken G just about everywhere but the club/bar lol. She's been with me a pop up shops, the gym, in uber's, the grocery store, kickback's over my friend's. I take her almost everywhere I go because that's what's easiest! And the more you take them places, the more they get used to being out. If they act out, keep taking them, they will get better. I take G with me so often that when I don't have her, literally everyone asks why I didn't bring her. Now I'm not saying literally take them everywhere but get them out! Don't stop your life because you don't have a sitter or trust anyone enough to watch your baby(ies). They'll stay entertained, and when they get tired, they will go to sleep.

Don't let Instagram trick you
Motherhood can be hard, stressful, messy, and annoying. Not everyone snaps right back, and honestly no one's body is exactly the same after having a baby! Not all families are as happy as they appear. Social media is 10% of people's lives, and it's only showing the good side of it all. Yeah they look like a big happy family, but what you don't see is that she isn't happy and he isn't faithful. Their house is beautiful but business isn't doing as well as it once was so they are scrapping to get by. Oh she looks like she has so much fun, the grandma and/or nanny is the one raising the child. Don't get all caught up in these #goals because they are just an image and you don't know what life is like behind that.

Ask for help
I've never been the type to want help. Like when I was in school and we'd have to do group projects I'd hope that their was an odd number of people so I'd get to work by myself..."Oh there's three left, do you want to be a group of three?"..."No that you, I'll work by myself" lol. Motherhood brought me down from that, I've seen in the past year how much I need people and I've learned to ask for help. I'd go crazy if I literally had no help, whether it's a friend coming over to sit with G while I cook/clean/work or letting Roman take her for the day instead of it being a family day, let them take the baby/child and you have some time to yourself. Don't feel guilty for wanting time to yourself, not only do you need it but you deserve it. Yesterday someone suggested swapping babysitting nights with another mom/family. There are trusted websites to find sitters. I personally have not used them, but millions of people do, and once you find one you can keep using them. When it comes to hiring help with G, when I get to that point, I will use a refferal from a friend. There are friends/family that I love leaving G with because I know they will entertain her and not just give her a phone or watch movies all day, but I also know that they aren't always available. Let go a little, so today she probably will eat snacks all day and watch five movies back to back, it's fine. she/he is fine mama! Get done what you need to get done and don't feel bad about it.

I truly hope these helped you and as always, reach out to me if you ever need to talk. 
Here's a list of my favorite IG mama's that are always keeping it real (also check out #honestmotherhood for amazing stories, and be sure to follow @blackmomsblog): 

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