I’ve passed my first year of motherhood anniversary so I thought it would only do a post/update on ME!

This time last year I was stressed out over G’s jaundice and how hard and painful it was getting her to latch. My stomach went down surprisingly fast but I found myself sad that I didn’t feel like I “snatched back” like everyone does on IG. My stomach was nearly flat but it was literally jelly, I got pregnant at 133, had her at 173 and was 143 by my 6 week appointment. Sound great right? It didn’t feel great. My breasts were engorged, I bled for 8 weeks after having her, and during birth I tore (normal) a little so after having her the stitches hurt for 4-6 weeks. I had stretch marks on my sides, hips, thighs, and where the sun don’t shine, yup, between my cheeks. I was so self conscious, I found myself trying to say what I say to everyone else “Girl! You just had a baby, you literally made a person! Of course you can’t be the same after doing that!” But I didn’t believe it, I hated the way I looked in the mirror. I think I hated my refection mostly because I appeared so happy and confident about it on social media when I truly wasn’t.

Men don’t get it. Men are simple, and as my cousin Leah once told me, “if you would expect it from a five year old, you shouldn’t expect it from any man”. Wise words lol, they stuck with me. So here I was with this new baby who was stuck to me like a magnet, a boyfriend who didn’t understand ANYTHING I was going through, and a body that I hated. It was hard, and honestly I don’t think my body ever went back to or will every be what it was before. My body didn’t change, I learned to love it. I stared at myself naked in the mirror to get used to what I saw, to learn to love this new bod. Smaller booty, wider hips, bigger nips, jelly tummy, uneven boobs, and stretch marks in what I felt were the worst places. 

Here I am a year later and I love my body, nearly all stretch marks are gone or significantly faded. Yes I’m still about 10 lbs more, yes I have more cellulite but I’m happy. Yes, I could and should work out more, but I’m content because it’s hard to do these days. With a lot on my plate daily, being a stay at home mom, running businesses, and taking care of the house, working out if often a luxury that is extremely hard to come by. 

Every BODY is different so I can not give you advice to loose weight or get rid of stretch marks, Honestly I don’t know if what I did helped or if it was because my genes, who knows? A few things I did was 1) Started using all natural scrubs, oils, and butters by Jaden Moon Soaps 2) Worked out to tighten the skin. I only did weights because I liked where my body was and needed to tone. I also asked a lot and after, it was good for tuning my legs and stomach. 3) Breastfed a year. Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories, it’s hard work and time consuming but it isn’t for everyone and everyone isn’t able to do it. If you’re wondering, I did not diet. I naturally eat my servings of fruits and veggies daily but I was pigging out like I was still pregnant until about six months PP, if you’ve seen my instagram, you know I’m a foodie. 

My boobs have been noticeably two cups different for about 3 months, bras I had before getting press are too small, and the bra’s I bought for nursing are too big. We’re down to nursing once in the morning and once at night before bed, occasionally in the middle of the day. Braless has been my go to as often as I can. I want to ween Grae…but that’s another story for another day. 

It’s been a year, I love myself, I love my body, my business if doing well, my daughter is perfect. I have no complaints. I’m grateful for my tough times because it taught me to look within myself for what I seemed from others. My daughter had shown me unconditional love in the purest form and my relationship with Roman (her dad) is better than ever. The first few months were soon hard, I didn’t have PP depression but I was sad and discouraged. I had unrealistic expectations of how I thought it would be once G was here. I thought I’d feel so amazing and that it would be so easy. Excuse my language, but this shit is HARD! I have so much more respect for moms of all sorts, stay at home moms, work from home moms, 8-5 working moms, grave shift moms, broke moms, lonely moms, unfulfilled moms, nursing moms, formula moms, single moms.This is hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever done but oh so rewarding and I would;t trade it for the world. I found myself in my daughter, I realized what matters, happiness. 

It’s been rough, things with Roman and I have been so incredibly bad but all storms pass. When you start dating it;s beautiful, you show each other your good parts and everything you want them to see, you might even do things out of your character to impress the other. But when life happened you see that person for who they are, I think we all get so caught up on who we thought they were or who we wanted them to be. These things can suck but you have to be grateful for them, better to see it now than later. Have peace with it, or else it will drive you crazy. Men are simple being and they often don’t understand us and what we need, don’t let that drive you crazy either. Look within, you are all you need. Men go into provider mode, Roman was working more than ever and it made me sad thinking that he did’t want o spend time with us. So I started making our own schedules, and if he could come with cool, if not, cool. You have to let go of expectations of other people, I promise you will have peace.

I’m a year in and I’ve learned so much, grown so much, and appreciate everything more than ever. See the beauty in all things, I loooooooove you!

Btw, I didn't proofread this because it's 2am